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Before I start off with anything else, I really need to update my Song Of The Month (SoTM: Copyrighted to Jay, who by the way celebrated her nth birthday last March 26 – happy birthday, my friend!).

I ended the month of January with Crazy by Aerosmith, stormed by February with Tattoo by Jordin Sparks and sang through March with what I think is a classic, at least for those people who grew up with and me. I deemed it proper for the last month because, well, I had to say a lot of it, and I enter April with all grace and wonder at the prospect of the past that will definitely continue to awe and inspire me for the rest of my life. I’m not kidding here. =)

GOODBYE
Spice Girls

Though of course, there are some things I believe I really don’t need to elaborate on about this song. Obviously, though, I said goodbye to things I had to let go of – enough said. But come now, boys and girls, it’d be pretty hard to believe and swallow that you don’t know the song, or at least some other song of theirs! Scrap pretensions and show your latent and wild passion and love for our favorite Girls! ;)

**

I’m happy. Truly, I am. :)

I really, really am.

No, I do not just have a hangover from my good yesterday. It’s amazing what can happen when you give it all up to that special someone you’ve been waiting for quite a while now – perhaps all your life, without even realizing it.

It’s amazing that you could fall so deeply into, and not only for, someone you spent almost all your time pushing away. Only then do you realize that none of it ever mattered – none of the doubt, the anger, the hatred, the skepticism, the rejection, the pain you must have inflicted on that newfound love of yours – when he simply smiles down at you patiently, refuses to fight with your undeserving humanity for your flaws and countless blunders, and just loves you like he always did.

He wished for your reciprocation, but never once did he ask for it, and never once did he even force himself on you if you didn’t want him to be there. All that matters to him is this moment, when you meet him halfway as you run to each other and fall into him and his entire being, which completely loves you and will continue to do so, whatsoever body you wear, whatever you seem to have become to the world, wherever you choose to go, whenever you do.

It’s overwhelming to tell myself that He’s here, and that He always has been. More so, I cannot believe I only just found Him now! He’s wonderful. He’s the perfect man for me, only infinitely better. It’s absolutely amazing. He’s absolutely amazing.

God, I’m in love.

And I don’t use ‘God’ as an expression. He – my Man – is much too good to be used as merely that. :)

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What a perfect way to end the month of March – indeed, what a perfect way to end a long, self-inflicted period of torturous moping and pessimism. How could I have ever thought that there were no more truly happy and amazing holy moments remaining in existence for me? How, when amazingly, wonderfully, stupendously great people are still here?

Khelle hun, Jess beb, JV boob, Johann sunshine, Jiho, Franz, Nino, Toni and Jonas: you guys just gave me the best day I’ve had in quite a while, and thank you! I <3 you guys. I am sooooo looking forward to more bowling and arcade tripping with you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am rendered speechless when it comes to how grateful I am to and for each of you. And that’s no sarcastic piece of BS, my dears. Lubusin niyo na, minsan lang ako maging ganito ka-icky. =)

Because of an earlier stint with my hunny, beb and dear Franz in the karaoke booth while waiting for everyone else, I am currently listening to Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back To Me Now for the next private concert of the incomplete ‘Spice Girls’, though my dear boob has sadly christened us, more aptly, as the ‘Gutter Girls’ (all bowling failures, except for Franz – enough said). So, we’re one Gutter Girl short – we’re holding auditions in a few weeks’ time for our fifth member, so contact Khelle, Jess, Franz or myself if you’re out to be a star, girllllll! Bring it oooooonnnn! ;)

**

I dug up some of my free writing pieces from the last time we were in Lipa, which was during the Holy Week. For sharing purposes, here’s one, entitled “We Can Never Really Go Back”. So…

WE CAN NEVER REALLY GO BACK

Second chances are fallacies. We only ever get one shot at everything, because you have to consider ALL that you were at, during the exact point of surrender. Take a couple breaking up and getting back together after a while – they aren’t and never will be what they initially were. Their relationship has changed. They themselves have changed. Second chances don’t exist. All that we have our moments that we can choose to fashion out of a previously formed experience – to either beautify it, or break it.

It’s not to say that we are doomed to live fearfully. On the contrary, this should inspire us to emerge from our mistakes and blunders, because while we may not have a second chance, we have a NEW MOMENT from us. This new moment is infinitely better than a mere second chance, for this moment is given to us a pure, clean and blank slate – fresh, pristine and NEW. It is only our human nature and inherent pessimism that immediately taints the pureness of the new moment with what we call prejudices – misgivings, fears, and the like. However, not all these prejudices are bad – prejudice, after all, comes from experience, and even the experience of thus LACKING what seems to be substantial experience. What experience should add color to our clean slate is our choice. Never mind if we make a mistake in coloring; when our current page has been exhausted to the last line and contour, the head artist up there has an infinite supply of slates for us.

God doesn’t give chances – He gives us options. It’s never one or the other for Him – the fact of the matter is that it’s never really going to be simply anything in particular for Him. Ultimatums aren’t His things. He gives us choices, all of which are designed to lead us back to Him, or at least bring us closer to Him. But there is a question, yes: if all choices lead us to Him, what then of sin? It’s that one thing He chose to not have autonomy over, the only thing that can make out options dissolve into a new and spiritually jagged path: freedom. We can choose not to choose. The painful simplicity of this reality is what fuels the arrogance of man, that the All-Powerful cannot have a hold on his mere humanity because he is free to simply turn his back on that invisible creator.

However, I still stand by my saying that we can’t go back, even in this context. Why? Because God is not so crude enough to ask us to do a 180° turn, walk a few steps, start from this certain point of origin and not stray from the path this time. We stray a lot, but each and every time, should we want and ask for it, He will make a path from wherever we would be the point where we asked for His help. Sometimes the path seems easy, sometimes it seems murderously draining and difficult, but all the time, we opted for the option of God, and perhaps, somehow, we’d never get a chance to regret it. We look back, yes, and perhaps wish for an easier way out, but to say that we find the chance to regret amidst all we would choose to do and be in God, well… I think it’s pretty ludicrous.

**

There’s nothing like good old productivity to secure my resolution to own this summer. Bring it on, baby. Bring it on. =)